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Ying & Yang of Self... 2002-03-21 - 11:09 a.m. [Music: Miranda Sex Garden - A Fairytale About Slavery] Before I begin...an established fact...Dar has splendid taste in music. And now it begins...I know I have been ever so neglectful...but..here and now I would like to avoid the angry words...the emotional words...the regretted words. It does no good, you see...and that is why I have my livejournal. Things have been better in the past but as usual I am clawing out an exsistance. There is still a lot to be done...money to be raised. I would like to go and see Tony...I would like to because he is a friend and may be able to help me understand more so than I do now. I would also like to see Dar in flesh and blood...because he is a friend as well and a fine one at that. It is interesting...I feel like a ballet dancer...With a million eyes upon me..simply waiting for a mistake...People are waiting for angry words..childish words...But I have learned to conceal again..conceal until I am fine once more. But...I would still like to meet these people. I would like to better understand these things that go on around me. It's..interesting to say the least. Sometimes it gives me a headache even..but I still want to know. it is odd to know one is being watched. I have a feeling of who...but someone was searching for me last night..for me and my connection to Dar..to Tear...to Daerien...So very confusing. Every bit confused. Reading earlier entries..and angry words. It makes only scattered sense. I speak in metaphors you see...and never do I wish to be a doll...No...I do supose I would have taken my life long before now had that been the case. I fear I have many problems inside this head....clawing out a simple exsistance is no way to live...And I feel something coming...something that will turn everything on its head once again. The soreness comes and I can feel it...Something bad...yes...coming..coming...always. Why must enlightenment always be viewed as insanity? That always interested me...Hmm...much has changed inside...we are different and yet the same again..clamoring for change... It will be seen to...if only to quiet the noise of within. We hsare this as we share all..including the burden...of ourself..and of anyone who needs to be carried. Crushed no longer below the wieght...survival...? no..Life...Life is the goal now at hand... Today...we begin to live..and try to piece together the past..and see what went worng..where..and why...because change is needed...or death will come on swift wings for us. And that can't be allowed..not when so much we want to live....when people need us to support them as some brave few have supported us in our time of need...the ying and yang of self...We will make everything better however we can. ~Angel in Runes~