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Tear... 2002-02-20 - 1:35 p.m. [Music: Tourniquette - Rasputina] Yes I've been quite neglectful...m'sorry. And yes...that seems to be my new frikken motto..saying..whatever. I just can't be sorry enough. I say the worng things...I hurt people...I lose touch. And ultimatly I end up alone. I guess it's all as it should be, huh? I very badly feel like cutting. I want to bleed and bleed so maybe then everyone will feel better. I mean..my tears are not enough...because I have such a stupid mouth...and I can never be fuckin' satisfied. I sicken myself. I want to open a vien right now...I wanna know how that feels. Simply because I am so fuckin' sorry. And in the end he wins...he was right. Always right. I want someone to take thier hatred out on me. I can't stand the thinking...can't stand the waiting...I simply can't fucking take it anymore. M'afraid to close my eyes now...I don't know what's waiting there to tear me apart...And it's your fault yanno..because if I had just shut up..just let you die..and not cared...then I wouldn't have to know. I could be a happy little moronic human that you think so little of...But no...you've cut a thousand holes in all my safty nets. Thank you so much for terrifying me. I want to go to church...yeah...funny to hear me say that huh? after the things you've said...But I don't care, little devil. I feel the need to pray...because some retard part of me still cares for your little masked face. I want to pray for your life...to pray for forgivness...but I don't even know if God listens anymore...You tell me all these things exsist...well what if I just don't believe anymore? What if I give up on the whole thing? I don't want your truth. You think you know me so well...you have no idea...and I don't believe you can feel me at all...because if you could...you would know what's going on in my head right now. I am ready to give up...emotional suicide...mostly because m'not too fond of the real thing...certain things'll do that to a person. I am killing myself from the inside out... I wish I'd never met you... ~Angel in Runes~ |