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Inner Reflection... 2002-07-03 - 12:29 p.m. [Music: Bones + Joints - Finger Eleven] A brief note...trying out the option feature...if it looks wonky I'm opting for imediate removal. That is all about that.{Edit: it failed. Meh.} It's been an interesting collection of days. I've thought about a lot of things as of late...mainly my dissatisfaction with any relationship I've been in thus far. My own fault of course...It just tends to bother me. As per usual it leads me to miss a lot of people..particularly Kefka...And listening to Finger Eleven doesn't help that much. He's the one that got me into the group...unknowingly of course. It was really rather amusing...Amazing I still remember that day. It was when he had come down for a visit from Canada...I think the second day...And we were in the living room after coming home from shopping. He had his CD player and I was playing at being mad at him for some reason or another. I took his headphones and started listening to his CD...it was really good. So I sat there and built the model he bought me while listening to music...he thought it was adorable and he kept rubbng his hands against my back. He was wonderful. I miss him. And I wonder where guys like that are sometimes. I can't seem to figure this whole love thing out. It must be something wrong with me. more than likely it is. Other than all that I've been thinking about my writing...which is really rather like me...and what led me to the musing on myself. In my writing...my characters tend to fall in love rather quickly...In some cases it is justified..in others it is not. I don't know whether it's my own impatience or what exactly..but it rather erks me. Mainly because I do the same thing. Saying I love you to a person has become automatic. I really haven't a damn clue what the phrase means..i just say it now and then and it seems to keep people happy....while I grow all the more UNhappy. Confusing, that. Just another pet peeve about myself I 'spose. I've also been thinking a lot about death. Not in the morbid sense really just sort of contemplating. I am quickly approaching the age when people die. One day I think I'm just going to open my eyes and all the people I knew will be dead. Depressing I know but it's wierd that way..It doesn't depress me so much as it angers me at myself. i'm a rather terrible friend. I just can't seem to force myself to keep in touch most times. Admittedly I've gotten better at doing so but not to where i'm happy with myself. I've a lot of fixing up to do I guess. I'm not what people tend to think I am...I'd tell you what I am but I really don't know myself. i need to build myself into something better. I'm working on it..I'm getting there. And now I go off to try and find a job and do a bit of work. Ta kittens. ~Angel in Runes~