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Exsistance... 2002-07-31 - 1:17 p.m. [Music: Wasted - Stabbing Westward] It's an all star day. I'm begining to update like I used to...surprise surprise. Since last night things have been getting progressivly worse and worse. It's getting to the point where I'm receeding from people...all people...just because a few get so under my damn skin. I'm really rather sick of people putting so much stock in me...depending on me to make thier life all happy and sunshiney. I'm still 17...18 in a few months...there isn't fucking much I can do. And yanno...listening to constant bitching all the time gets really fucking old. My family drags me down, I starve myself, I have no friends, no one likes me, i'm shy blah blah blah so on and so forth. At one point a person stops listening...stops caring. I am not the mother to the world. I'm a kinda earthy, semi-spiritual, still a little fucked up in the head, former nutcase with more than a few screws still loose and a handful of marbles still missing. but god forbid i try to better myself....because I have to be everyone's god damn mother. The things I've heard of, the people who's stories I know would make you weep...so do fucking apreciate the little you have...It's more than some. And yanno...i don't even care if you bitch in a journal or whatever...your call. I bitch about my life here for certain...But there gets to be a point in time when others are sick of hearing about it. No one's going to magically save you...you have to save yourself. People need to learn to save themselves. And I'm done helping anymore. No more hands up every five fucking minutes. i'm sick of it. Listen now and then? No problem...ocassional advice? Certainly...but it gets to be tiring and mundane when every fucking day you have to assure someone that they're okay and talented and things will work out and blah de fucking blah. I'm sick of it. I really fucking am. And it's making me sick of people in general...to the point where I want to talk to no one. I need a fucking vacation. I'm taking one before school starts...I promise this to myself. I am going to go somewhere and be away from this god forsaken computer and everything and possibly everyone and just fucking *go*. I am not a savior...i am not a mother. I am a girl trying to eek out an exsistance for herself. that's all. And I'm content with that...so all of you...stop trying to change me to suit your needs. I'm not the fucking shape shifter anymore. ~Angel in Runes~