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Converse With Me... 2002-05-01 - 10:14 p.m. [Music: Agent Orange - Depeche Mode] In that odd sort of mood again...the one where tears some so easily...and everything makes such unfailing sense. The words spill from my fingertips and I long to be that most wonderful part of a human...that which creates. Circles, circles everywhere. Create to destroy, try to understand, spending a lifetime doing so but it all comes down to chance at a moment and one person can ruin a lifetime of study, now can't they? Someone told me once...They were great at being human..simply because they weren't. So who am I now? What is the goal? What is the point? I want to learn....I am a believer...a creator...and in that same light I am a destroyer. My short past has generated many a thing and given me a lot to look back on...to discuss. I live for that, but not that alone, that discussion. No...I live to be what I am needed to be...a shape shifter...Mother. And...the...the whatever it is...it is so close it is nearly tangible. I am touched by all right now and I adore every secone of it. Make me feel...make me see what you meant exactly. Make your words create for me a most beautiful picture. And in exchange I want to create...Tonight a boy is born and I must make him flesh and give him a past and a future...and a name. Oh a name....What shall it be, this tortured child springing from my mind? Born to be a representation... And the curiousity consumes...I am drunkly in love with it...I want to hold it and keep it forevermore. So very very beautiful is the picture it creates. Tears like a million prisms and a thousand lights in the form of bright white dots...I am entralled with these simple things...I yearn to touch, to taste, to feel all of it at once... i want to be a part of this..thing...thing i keep brushing against. I am trying so hard...and in that...I do believe I am killing myself. My body protests and I get weak. I do not know what is wrong with my body anymore but each time my mind seems to blossom and I can't help but feel love and warmth...there is no insecurity here and I am drunk on the heady feeling of it all. The things you cannot alter simply are. The things you are you cannot alter. You breathe and you fuck and you live and you die and you are the earth which exhales and exists beneath the feet of the living while worms burrow deep, deep, deep. The world is a great wide globe but that is just a circle and nothing else. The sky wraps around it, filled with its many stars and the curve of the solemn moon, which sometimes smiles a crooked grin in the darkness, and the heavens make love to that which is merely dirt and flesh and blood and brittle bone. Like two bodies -- a man and a man, a man and a woman, a woman and a woman -- lying together, their semicircles suddenly pieces of a puzzle that interlock leg on shoulder arm around waist lip on lip together. Conversation...on such things...and...reading..heightens the feeling. What am I? A semicircle. Simple and complex...all the same. Just living...watching...collecting...seeing..knowing...It's a circle...~smiles softly~ And one I would oft like to repeat. ~Angel in Runes~