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Cryptic Confusion... 2002-06-10 - 11:33 p.m. [Music: Signs of the Zodiac - Rasputina] Serious lack of anything right now. Well...that's not altogether true...but it doesn't much matter, does it? My life is moving and I am being dragged behind. I used to be of a state of mind where this would bother me...but somewhere along the way...I just stopped caring. So many things have changed already...and only more change is in the cards. I'm going to art school starting in October...I have only a week left of school. I turn 18 in september, though it doesn't really matter to me much because I've just sort of stopped "celebrating" my birthday. Not worth it. It's just another day in life. So I was born...I had nothing to do with that...my parents had sex they did the normal thing, they got me. i fail to see how I have anything to celebrate. "Whoo! You didn't die yet, good job, have presents." oh wait...that's right...i don't get presents from anyone outside my family. I'd forgotten. It's not even lack of presents...it's the lack of caring. For the last two years I've gotten nothing but shit from "friends" on my birthday. But beyond that. it's just been one crisis after another here. I feel empty. I sold my soul so I could go to art school and get a degree...I'm just getting by in this my last week of school. And then..there's my newest problem. I both want to talk about it and don't all the same. I don't because I am unsure and I don't want anyone who might happen upon this little webspace to run to my mother and say...well..what I would like to discuss. And i can't talk to anyone else. I could talk to a few people...but I don't want to burden them. It's just the way I am. So it'll tear me up inside... I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought it was so clear...maybe i was just fooling myself...Maybe i'm fooling myself now...I can't tell. I just want to give it all up and cry. Where's the lie? I just don't know anymore...its hiding inside of me...but I can't be lying now, can I? I...really love someone. And I mean this more than just in passing. I do...So...what do I do with that? What am I anymore? I wish I knew. ~Angel in Runes~