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An Opening of Doors... 2002-09-20 - 11:02 p.m. I've been meaning to update for quite a while now...finally someone who shall remain nameless (mostly because I'm unsure of the mystery man's identity beyond that he knew me a long time ago) goaded me into doing it. Sadly I haven't updated as much as i would have liked to or should have. I got infected with Livejournal disease. In the meantime...I turned 18. Not all that big a deal...I've adopted a rather bland feeling about the whole thing. Lots of other things are more important. besides...yet again I do not feel any older now that the day has past. I just feel like me...albeit a hopefully bit wiser me. At any rate...there hasn't been a whole hell of a lot to say..not really anyway. Love is still a foriegn concept I tend to accosiate with Chrystian and lust is a thing I suffer from daily.~chuckles~ College starts next month and I have a potential modeling job in a week...so we shall see how that goes. i've also been working out and the like so I'm...a decent size. Not rail thin but certainly not fat anymore either. In other news I've taken to reading again and I've gotten back into the runes that are my namesake.(among others) Runes and the nine worlds...everything that always used to pique my interest. Still just as confused as ever though...it's the whole love like and dating thing. ~shrugs~ Whatever shall be shall be. I'm just going to ride it out. And then there's apologies to be said. I've been a flake and a jerk and very insensitive at times and I'm sorry. Really honestly sorry. I can't promise I won't ever do it again because I know it's something i can't do...but I can promise to try. now there's about a million e-mails to write. I'd like to fix things...make them better.~chuckles~ "Give it another Chance." heh...doubtful but I can dream, can't I? That would make...what? Six? Seven? Too many, certainly and I'm less than deserving...but hey...I can only try. No regrets anymore. No regrets and no more lying....even if it means causing some broken hearts. i'm tired of just going along with things to please others in matters of the heart as I am prone to do. I let things move too fast and people call it love. Nah...love is as of yet undefined...even if I still call the friendship and admiration and trust I had for Chrystian love. Funny how things work....quite so in fact. ~shrugs~ We're all mad anyway. And I might be the maddest of them all. ~grins slightly~ ASIDE: Y kysa vun dfu cdyndc yhaf. E lrilgma yht dyga ytjela aycemo. ~csemac zicd y deho ped~ Yht syo oui nayt drec yht nasaspan ruf namahdmacc E ys ajah ev E tet cbyww uid ypuid ed.~lrilgmac~ Quite.~smiles a little~ I told you I wouldn't give up....I figured it out after a while. ~smiles~...and maybe I can pretend you are who I want you to be...and imagine you're secretly proud...just a little....of the Little Death...of Shame...of me. ~Angel in Runes~